"change is difficult to achieve. i sat down for drinks with the vice principal of ** (jack's friend..might have already told you this once) and he sounded like such a propaganda pamphlet. i don't want to end up like him. and if i do end up sounding like him, i better well believe in what i do. i don't want to become a government mouthpiece, and nothing more than just hot air in an empty vessel. as far as i do hope for change, we live in a society terribly resistant to change. society would much rather see the naive made scapegoats because change is POISON. it's horribly painful realising things like that. i also realise that singapore is a very heartless society. when you're back, we'll sit down for drinks and commiserate (or you'll hear me complain) and philosophise.
i applied to get my grade reviewed by the way, cos i don't believe i fucked up an open book exam bad enough to pull down good grades to an overall-average one.
i eventually want to try out public policy, cos i think that's where i might do well. hopefully i'll get to intern with MOE this summer, try it out, but not get too shaken by bureaucracy. so in my heart of hearts (never really understood this line, but just heard it on tv), i am still an idealistic naive girl, desperately trying to build up a facade of cynicism so growing up is less painful. we will never be unscathed. just realising cynicism is the only way to survive is enough damage done to our systems."
i said this to adri, and i hate so much that it is not too far from the truth. and i'm afraid that it is the actual truth.
